Here I am, still trying to catch up my writing with myself. It’s a Tuesday. Or a Wednesday. I have not practiced my writing for the past few days. I didn’t practice writing those days but I did live those days. I remember the days. So I will write now about the days.
I practiced yoga each day. I practice each day. Practiced is in the past. Practice is now. (I’m catching up to myself you see.) Every day, for each posture, I count five breaths while trying to hold onto my mula bandha. My root chakra. To help me keep track of my breaths and my roots, I envision each of the five breaths corresponding to each of my five roots that I have identified as being central to my core being. Without these five sources, I would have no breath, without my breath, I would not have these five roots.
My roots, my breath, my life.
1. Inhale Me. Myself. I am me. I am here. Inhale all that I am grateful for. Inhale life. I am alive. Inhale strength, security, loving kindness, compassion for myself. Exhale all my attachments to ideas, plans, thoughts, things, sounds, smells. Exhale all the toxic thoughts that weigh me down, make me weak, make me insecure – let them all go.
2. Inhale My Marriage. The beauty of love and endurance of the union of two that became one. My living breathing marriage that roots me in joy and abundance and laughter. My marriage of stability, security and strength. Exhale all the past injustices, wrongs, hurts – let them all go. They are of the past. Exhale yesterday.
3. Inhale The Eldest. The blessings of the first born child. All his happiness, his insights, his curiosity, his wonder, his joy, his empathy, his wisdom, his love of learning. Exhale all the divisions, the misunderstandings of nearly 18 years. Let it go. Let him go into the world to carry on his unique journey and bring all his blessings to those who encounter him.
4. Inhale The Second Son. The one who transformed us from married with baby to a full fledged family. A brother born to make a brother of the eldest. Inhale all his wild creativity and extra sensory perception. His joyful smile, his unique style. His in-the-middle-ness. Exhale all the frustration, all the tears. Let them go. Let it be. Let him be. Let him bring his gifts.
5. Inhale The Daughter. The beautiful baby girl with the long dark eyelashes. The sweet sweet smile of the littlest one. A little girl with pigtails, ponytails, barrettes, bows, and braids, who twirled pink and danced it into purple with her delightful song of kindness. Exhale all the slammed doors and shouts of hatred. Slough them off like dead skin cells. Exhale the goddess into the world.
Each inhale reminds me of the millions of cells that inhabit my body, the millions of moments that inhabit my mind, and the countless revelations about my soul. Blessings and misdeeds. All stemming from Me, My Marriage, The Eldest, The Brother, The Daughter. Inhale all the blessings, exhale what doesn’t serve today. Breathe into your roots. Start with yourself. Inhale your infinite self. Exhale your self into infinity. The world is waiting. Inhale your power, exhale your roots. Deeper into earth, rooting your core. Your being. Your True Self.